45 Comments

  1. This is such an amazing post and such an important thing to learn! Saying no can be really difficult, but I love the guidelines you recommend when someone asks us for something like, Do we WANT to go or have other commitments? – We often feel guilt to prioritize our needs and time when saying no. This post is really helpful!

    1. Thanks for the wonderful feedback Vanessa. This is something I’ve worked a lot on over the years and it has been such a lifesaver for me! Happy to hear it resonates with you too! xo

  2. great post! you really explained this in the best way possible. 10/10,will read again.🖤

  3. As a college athlete, I struggled with this especially when it came to partying and going out (especially if it was multiple times a week). The thing that helped me the most was having a group of friends to lean on that allowed me to not feel like I was missing out so much when I did say no. I always felt guilty for not being like every other 21 year-old, but as a college athlete I had to do things a little bit different.

    Having a good support system makes it a lot easier!

  4. Such a good post. I have definitely had many moments where I’ve found it hard to say no, I think it’s the guilty feeling I get from saying no, makes me feel bad for the person I’m saying no to. However I know it’s important to look after ourselves and if it’s going to cause me stress and unhappiness then I should say no more! xx

  5. When someone says I love you and you do but not to what they expect… How do you say no to the without being rude.

    1. Hi Victoria, This is a tough situation, but honestly is truly the best policy. I think the best way is to communicate your feelings no matter how hard it is. That way the other person knows where they stand and they aren’t left hoping. Good luck xox

  6. This is such an important lesson to learn! Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person, just one who prioritises and takes care of their mental health in the process.

  7. As a person who has a hard time saying no, I needed to read this. I have always said yes, even when I really wanted to say no because my parents ingrained in me that it was more important for me to make people happy than for me to be happy – yes, that’s extremely messed up, but I’m working to break that way of thinking.

  8. I am really glad I read this post. I always find myself saying yes when I should say no, and it leaves me exhausted and surrounded by people who really don’t care about me. Maybe I’ll be able to take what I’ve read here and apply to my life and give myself the downtime and healthy relationships I need.

    1. Hey Elisabeth! I think part of saying no is getting good at doing it too! I used to be terrible at it and also found myself in situations and committing to things I didn’t even want. Start trying and see how it feels 🙂

  9. I always had trouble with this but now that I have a chronic illness I have to say it much more than I would like. I have gotten used to saying it but the guilt is still there.

    Thanks for this post. It has given me some real tools to work through those guilty feelings.

    Shared on Pinterest and Twitter.

    1. Hey Jen, I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with illness. Now that you’re saying no to take care of yourself more try not to feel guilty. I know it can be hard but once you get rid of the guilt you will feel like a weight has been lifted from you. All the best and thanks so much for sharing 🙂

  10. I used to say yes to pretty much everyone and everything. That was great when I was very young, still living at home with my parents, and just had myself to look after. Once I moved into my own place, I started to do what your friend does. Now, I even sometimes say no to my family because I need much more alone time than I used to.

    But it’s healthy. And I love my downtime. And because I can say no, I’m teaching my girls to know their boundaries as well. They won’t have nearly as much trouble seeing them respected, because they’re more aware and capable of telling friends when they need extra space.

  11. I made saying no one of my goals last month. Certainly got some practice with someone who asked and then asked again because I’m expected to give in. Well I didn’t and it felt great.
    I feel like saying no to others is my way of saying yes to myself and those I love. I cannot be everything to everyone.

  12. Oh man did I need to read this. I have so much trouble with saying no. Recently I said no to someone and was so proud of myself. Then my no somehow got taken as a yes, so I’m still stuck, and it makes me so mad. I’m working on this. I hate to disappoint people, but I have my own life. Thanks for the encouragement!

    1. Oh no! It is really hard to say no – especially to someone you love. I hope it goes better next time!

  13. I truly love this post! I find that I also struggle with saying no to things and feel obligated to do things for certain people but this post really puts things in perspective. I will have to just try to prioritize and choose myself sometimes.

    1. Thanks so much! Good plan to prioritize yourself – it’s SO important.

  14. I used to have the hardest time saying no but then I started seeing a therapist who taught me how to assert myself. I still have a hard time doing it but now I always say to myself in my head “don’t GAF” and then it’s usually easier 😛

    1. I totally understand! Sometimes you just have to DO IT and just let it go.

  15. It is so important to recognize why we are feeling guilty! Sometimes, the guilt is there to convict us that we need to be doing something but other times, it’s just trying to make us people-pleasers.

    1. I agree – knowing why we feel guilty will help us NOT to feel so guilty. It’s a horrible feeling.

    1. Thanks Juanita! Glad it’s helpful.

  16. This is something I really need to work on, both saying no AND not feeling guilty about it! Your suggestions are great, too. I especially like how you point out that it should lead to happiness. Guilt and happiness are not compatible with one another!

    1. You sure have that right – guilt and happiness are like oil and water. Get rid of the guilt and happiness can take place!

  17. This no guilt can creep in at times, but I must say as I age and mature I am getting much better at confidently saying no to things I don’t want to do!

    1. I’m the same – the older I get, the better I am at saying no. I’m just too busy to do everything for everyone but myself!

  18. This is a huge struggle for me! I’m terrible at over committing and then finding myself WAY over scheduled. Thanks for the tips!

    1. Hope they’re a little helpful. Overcommitting is a big stressor and if you have to go back and cancel plans then that doesn’t feel good either. Just say no ton start off or somehow find more time in the calendar?! Hard, I know!

  19. Something I have been really trying to work on. Sometimes you have to say no to good things so you can say yes to better things. I don’t know where I heard that but it is so true!

    1. I like you’re thinking and how true. We only live once so we need to really focus on this!

  20. Loving this! I’m usually a yes person and hopefully this will help say no more. Thank you

    1. Thanks Jemma 🙂 I think you can still be a yes person, just not to absolutely everything!

  21. I love this sometimes we don’t have time in the day to complete our own tasks we even say no to ourselves. Yet somehow we manage to fit in a yes for others, before ourselves! Thank you for this awesome post very meaningful 😍

    1. I know – it seems crazy if you think about it! Thanks for the feedback Sara! So happy it resonated with you 🙂

  22. I had a baby this past year, and I have finally learned how important saying no can be. I can work on the not feeling guilty part though. I try to view it as, whatever I decide to say yes to means I am saying no to spending time with my family. I try to only say yes to the things that are high on my priority list. And honestly, there’s a freeing feeling that comes with saying no to some things in order to live a more balanced life.

    1. You nailed it and that’s the way I think too – that saying yes to someone is basically saying no to your family. Obviously family is the priority, especially if you have a little one 🙂

  23. I tend to feel bad if I say no to some things, but it’s definitely something that we should all be okay with doing more. We don’t have endless reserves after all!

    -Lauren

    1. Hey Lauren! Even though I’m better at saying no, I can still feel bad at times too. Hoping it gets easier with age!

  24. Great advice, I feel like I have gotten better at saying no in the last few years, but I still feel guilty about it sometimes.

    1. Thanks Emily 🙂 I totally agree with you. I’m better too, but the guilt still appears from time to time.

  25. I love this post, Yolanda. And I SO admire your friend!
    I struggle with saying no in both work and life. My sister has a fantastic phrase, which is getting volun-told to do something; this is what I deal with at work all the time. Your reminder to not say “maybe” if you really mean no really stands out to me. I need to start practicing that much more often. Thanks for these great questions to ask myself before saying yes, this will really help.

    1. Hey Paula! You actually remind me of my friend a little. I’ve told her about your website for all your great lists and advice 🙂 Ha! Volun-told – I know what you are talking about in that lovely corporate world!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *