Are you a people pleaser? Do you find yourself saying yes when deep down you wish you could say no? Do you have anxiety about doing so much for others when you don’t have time to look after yourself?
Learning how to say no could be your first step to being kind to yourself and finding the balanced life you deserve.Learning how to say no is the first step to being kind to yourself and finding the #balancedlife you deserve. #happiness #balance Click To Tweet
Let me tell you about a friend of mine…
She is REALLY GOOD at saying no. I might call her up and ask if she wants to go for a coffee and she will simply say, “No, I’m relaxed and don’t feel like getting off the sofa”.
I strongly admire her for this.
My friend is honest, doesn’t do what she can’t and when she is there for you it’s because she truly wants to be – and she gives it her all. What’s interesting is, even though she is great at saying NO to people, she has also been my rock and been there for me when no one else has.
This means she says yes to things that can sometimes be stressful or tough, but it’s because she makes it a priority to help those she loves and those who don’t have high expectations of her. This gives her joy and enables her to be a caring, thoughtful individual.
This friend of mine is honestly the happiest person I know.
If you were to start saying no – you may not think that people would think about you the way I describe my friend. What we don’t realize is that if we say no to some people or obligations, it opens up our lives to be present and say YES to the right people and experiences.
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Here are 5 Simple Steps to Uncover Your Stress About Saying “No”.
1. Understand WHERE the guilt is coming from… do you have a friend or family member giving you guilt or is the guilt coming from you? If you are giving yourself guilt, can you think of why?
2. Know WHY saying NO is important. What does saying no give you? More balance? More time to say yes to what you do want to focus on?
3. Think about WHY saying no is hard for you. Are you worried people won’t think of you in a good light? Do you want to help, even though you know you may not have the energy to?
4. Think about WHO you are saying no to. Do you feel like you are constantly going out of your way to help someone who is never there for you? You might want to think about saying no to someone like this, so you can say yes to those who do support you. You may realize that the people who need you most, don’t ask for it, and the people who consistently ask for help are never the ones to give back to you.
5. Be MINDFUL of your happy balance. Is saying yes giving you anxiety because it’s taking you away from things you need and want to be doing for you and your family? Try this… Write out all of the things you do for others and what you do for yourself. If there is a massive imbalance you’ll know it’s time to start adding to your self-care list. To allow for this you may need to start saying no to some people and situations.
So, HOW do you know if you should say no?
When someone asks you for something or to be somewhere ask yourself…
- Do you WANT to go?
- Will it bring you joy?
- Do you have other commitments?
- Do you have the time?
- Who’s asking? Are they usually there to support you?
If you choose to say no. Here’s how…
Be honest… example: ‘I only have time to focus on family right now, but let’s find time to get together next month’.
Get to the point… Do not, I repeat DO NOT say maybe if you want to say no. You will give yourself stress and anxiety if you ultimately plan on saying no. Save yourself the stress and time and say it upfront.
Be kind… If you have to say no to someone, deliver it with kindness. If they are your friend, they will understand.
Saying yes to the RIGHT things is important to having fun, giving back and living life to the fullest. This post is not about saying no to everyone or all experiences, but about being authentic to yourself and helping you find the balance you’ve been needing.
Learning to say no is about creating boundaries to find your fulfilment.
What do you find hard about saying no? Have you started saying no and found it’s made a big impact on your life? Share in the comments below 🙂
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