How To Be Kinder To Yourself: 10 Things To Start Doing

Do you ever notice how great you are at showing kindness to others? Celebrating their wins and supporting them in hard times. So, let me ask you this…

When was the last time you gave yourself that same kindness?

We are our own worst critics and expect a lot from ourselves, yet we forget to give ourselves the support we truly need. This is when showing yourself kindness matters most.

Being kind to yourself is about giving yourself the space to grow, heal, and take a breath. You, my friend, deserve that kindness — every single day.

So let’s get into the various ways you can be kinder to yourself, starting today.

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10 Ways To Start Being Kinder To Yourself

10 Ways To Be Kinder To Yourself, Starting Today

Here is a breakdown of some straightforward, practical ways you can be kinder to yourself today…

1. Stop Beating Yourself Up

This is a reminder to stop beating yourself up – whether it’s being hard on yourself for a past mistake, analyzing your so-called flaws, or being critical about the way you should have reacted in a specific situation.

We have to learn to stop listening to our inner critic and remind ourselves that we are human and this means we are not meant to be perfect.

We grow in meaningful ways and become stronger when we can embrace our imperfections.

2. Catch Negative Self-Talk

We are our own worst critics, and you might not even realize that you are having self-critical thoughts on a regular basis.

So, the first step is to…

Take notice of your negative self-talk… and then you can replace it with a more balanced alternative thought (positive self-talk).

This might seem easier said than done, so there is a helpful tool I’ve personally used in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), called a ‘thought record’.

👉 Here’s a free thought record printable you can use to give it a try.

This can be used with upsetting or triggering situations with other people, but I also find it helpful for combating negative thoughts, in general.

It helps you do the following, which ends with writing down an alternative thought:

Identify the situation
Rate your current mood as you think about this citation
Acknowledge your automatic thought (the negative thought)
Look for evidence that supports this negative thought
Look for evidence that does not support this thought – get as specific as possible here
Now write down a balanced/alternative thought
Rate your mood again to see if it’s changed.

This can take some practice, but it’s really helpful over time, and I’ve personally found that it’s very successful at shifting negative self-talk to a kinder, more positive inner voice.

3. Intentionally Say Nice Things To Yourself

Many years back, when working from home wasn’t really a thing, I would call my office number to remind myself to do something work-related the next day, knowing I would listen to my voice messages when I got into the office.

When I did this I would start the message by saying something ridiculous to myself like… ‘Hey Yolanda, you look absolutely beautiful today – you are amazing – you are going to kill it at work today!’

Ha! Well, I’d get into the office the next day, forgetting that I had left myself a message and when I listened, I would have a good laugh with myself!!

This might sound a little ridiculous but it always made me feel good and I therefore did it every time.

So, make time to say nice things to yourself.

You can do this in a number of ways…

Use positive affirmations
Leave yourself post it notes with kind words
Use these empowering words to describe yourself
Leave yourself a message or email
Write a letter to yourself (one that you plan to open at a later date)

And keep this in mind…

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Sharon Salzberg

4. Connect with Your Inner Child

Think about a younger version of yourself and ask yourself…

How would you support her?
How would you speak to her?
What does she need to hear from you?

You can also do things you loved as a child – watch your favourite childhood movie, get creative with paints and art, explore nature, or do anything you were passionate about as a kid.

When you take time to reflect on your inner child, magical things can happen.

You’ll be working on healing old wounds and reminding yourself that your inner child is still alive and she needs your love and support.

Now, working with your inner child can come with difficult emotions.

Getting Started With Inner Child Work:

Personally, I’ve only ever done this in therapy, which I recommend if you have childhood trauma.

👉 Reach out to your family doctor to get in touch with a therapist.

👉 You can also use these worksheets on healing your inner child.

5. Give Yourself a Break

We all need rest, we were not put on this planet to only cross things off our to do lists and become productivity ninjas. So give yourself a break.

You do not need to be perfect at ‘all the things’. No one is.

When I say give yourself a break, I’m referring to this…

Allow yourself to rest – to just be. Find peace in just being – enjoying – living – experiencing.

What’s the point otherwise?

Yes, we all have responsibilities, but life is so short and we’re not here to only do what needs to be done. We’re here to live to the fullest, whatever that looks like for you.

6. Follow Your Heart… and Your Gut

I always say that our heart and our gut always know what’s best.

The problem is that our mind just might not be willing to take action (quite yet).

I’ve found that this always applies to relationships (definitely for me), but it can also be applied to other areas of life.

Here are a few scenarios…

Something just feels ‘off’ – even if everything looks fine on the surface… your job pays well, your relationship is stable, your routine is predictable – however, your gut might be quietly telling you something’s not aligned. That tiny whisper is worth listening to.
Letting go – When leaving something behind, whether it’s a friendship, a relationship, or a career, can feel scary. Your heart knows what feels right (and what doesn’t), long before your mind is ready to admit it.
Making a decision – there are many ways to make decisions, but sometimes you just know what to do, and it’s hard to explain.

7. Give Yourself a Pat on the Back

Yes, this might sound cheesy, but we all need to celebrate ourselves. This is a simple way we can show ourselves kindness.

It can just be the simple act of acknowledging how far you’ve come in a specific situation, it can be celebrating a small win (yay) or a big win.

As mentioned above, so many of us are always in ‘get it done’ mode and we just need to slow down and remind ourselves that we are proud of all we do.

8. Practice Regular Self Care

You hear it all the time… ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup.’

Now you may be thinking – ‘that’s nice – who has the time for self care?’

Well, you might be looking at self-care all wrong – it’s not just spa days and bubble baths, in fact, self-care consists of 5 key components:

Emotional – journaling, practice gratitude, saying no to others
Intellectual – learning a new skill, watching a TED talk, taking an online course
Physical – getting proper sleep, eating healthy, doing deep breathing exercises
Spiritual – walking in nature, meditation, praying
Social – spending time with friends, volunteering, finding a walking buddy

A therapist of mine shared this with me years ago that we need all 5 of these areas of focus to feel we’ve had a happy, balanced week.

The best part if you can do self care in short bursts of time (literally 5 minutes) or longer if you like. It’s all about making the commitment to look after yourself.

At the end of the day, taking good care of yourself will not only help you, but the people around you.

👉 Learn more about the 5 key areas of self care here: 5 Main Types of Self-Care + Examples

Now, go take good care of yourself!

9. Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion consists of 3 main components, according to Dr. Kristen Neff.

This includes:

Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgment – in other words, choosing to be kind to ourselves instead of passing judgment
Common Humanity vs. Isolation – Understanding that when we make mistakes, we’re not the only ones – this is a common human experience
Mindfulness vs. Over-Identification – which relates to observing thoughts and feelings and accepting them at face value, without criticizing them or ruminating

Understanding the full meaning of being self-compassionate is imperative so you can show yourself love and compassion instead of criticism.

Check out these self-compassion exercises and worksheets to learn more and put this concept into practice.

10. Create Time for Things You Truly Love

For so many of us, life is appointments, to-do lists and unachievable schedules, but if this is all we have, what is the point?

We all have responsibilities, but life and creating a life you truly love is about passion, enjoyment, and creating memorable experiences.

So, think about what you love to do – and make time for that. Yes, this is even possible for busy parents balancing work and home life. It just might look a little different in this season of life.

A few tips:

Start small – perhaps 15 to 30 minutes a day if time is a challenge
Set boundaries and share them with your family/friends
Practice saying no – so you can say yes to more things

Final Thoughts:

It’s so easy to become your own worst critic, especially during tough times.

So, it’s crucial to treat yourself with love and kindness, which can make a huge difference for your daily life, by helping you support your overall mental well-being.

To begin your self-kindness journey, here are a few tips:

Start with just one small act of self-kindness today – choose something from the list above that resonates most with you and begin there
Once you have mastered that kindness, try another
Keep going from there

The goal is to slowly do more and more to be kinder to yourself – whatever that looks like for you.

I’ll leave you with this as a reminder: You deserve your own kindness just as much as anyone else in your life. Never forget this.

Related Self-Kindness Resources:

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About Yolanda

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I’m passionate about helping you live life to the fullest so you can choose to find happiness and purpose. Learn how to CREATE THE LIFE YOU LOVE with intentional living and discovery of the simple things life has to offer. Learn more!