How to Love Yourself and Get Rid of Negative Thoughts
I talk a lot about self-care. Doing things that you love and looking after yourself. Yes, this is part of self-love, but learning how to love yourself goes a whole lot deeper.
This starts with changing up any negative thoughts you have about yourself.
Ask Yourself this…
- Do you have negative thoughts?
- Do you ever doubt yourself?
- Do you put yourself down?
Even the happiest of people have been guilty of the above.
Having negative thoughts could be something as simple as:
- Not liking how you look in a swimsuit
- Comparing yourself to others in a negative way
- Telling yourself that there’s no way you can do something.
Related:
- 30 Self Love Journal Prompts to Boost Self Esteem
- 25 Self Love Affirmations + Free Printable Worksheet
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Examples of Negative Thoughts & How to Reframe Them Into Positive Thoughts
Let’s break this down and talk about solutions to love yourself instead.
Example 1: Not liking how you look in an article of clothing.
Just a couple of weeks ago I went swimsuit shopping – something I have been putting off.
When I start looking through the racks I think ‘Hmmm, should I try on bikini’s like I used to wear or go for the one-pieces’? I pick up both and end up trying on about 12 different options.
I didn’t really like myself in any of these choices, but I ended up going for the least offensive.
I’m sure many people don’t enjoy swimsuit shopping, but I felt pretty deflated after my purchase as a) it was more than I wanted to spend and b) I didn’t feel completely great in my new one-piece.
Checking my negative thoughts:
I realized that I was thinking A LOT when I purchased this suit…
- Remembering how I used to look pretty darn good in a bathing suit (even though I didn’t appreciate it at the time)
- Thinking I needed to go on a diet ASAP and lose 25 pounds in a month (no problem – right?!!)
Then I realized…
The lighting in that change room was AWFUL and I really think those mirrors make me look bigger than I actually am!
I also thought… why am I being so hard on myself? I need to love myself, look after myself and remember that I am not perfect – nor do I want to be.
Solution:
First, I decided to give myself a break and stop being so hard on myself. You need to do this too.
Next, I decided to think of what I loved about myself and my new one piece. – I actually love the print of my new one-piece and I love that I am tall and have long legs.
Can you do this too? Next time you put yourself down about how you look – can you turn it around and focus on what you love about yourself?
Example 2: Comparing yourself to others in a negative way.
Okay, I’m pretty sure we have ALL been there. People all around seem like they have it all together…
- The woman walking down the street with 3 kids – all of them looking like they walked out of a magazine.
- The couple who hold hands everywhere they go and laugh at each other’s jokes.
- The bloggers who’re making 6 figures in their first year of business.
Let’s be real, these people are not perfect. In fact, they could very well be looking at you wishing they had something you seem to have all together.
A Personal Story:
As many of you know I have struggled with infertility.
Well, something that I notice DAILY is the mama’s walking past my house pushing a baby stroller!
Just imagine, I make myself a cup of tea, sit down to enjoy it while looking out my front window and women are sauntering past MY house with their babies.
How dare they!! (Do I sound crazy yet)?!
The point is that this reminds me every single day that I have infertility, which starts the negative thought patterns, BUT…
I need to remember what I do have in my life (and so do you).
I’m sure many of these women do not have it all together. In fact, I bet many could be struggling with post-partum depression and some are in unhappy marriages.
Solution:
Focus on the good things in your life that make you feel truly happy. Comparing yourself to another person’s situation is not healthy for you.
Also remember, no one is perfect, and let’s face it perfect is boring anyway!
Self love tip: Focus on the good things in your life that make you feel truly happy and STOP comparing yourself to others. #selflove #happiness #selfcare Click To TweetExample 3. Telling yourself there’s no way you can do something.
Believing in yourself is the key to loving yourself.
If you believe you can’t do something, then you won’t be able to do it. It’s that simple.
If you believe that you can do something and you create a plan to make it happen, then the world is your oyster!
Yes, it might be hard and it might take a long time, but it can happen.
So this is the time to think of your #1 goal in life right now. It could be…
- Getting out of the 9 to 5 and starting your own business.
- Travelling the world.
- Going back to university to finally get that degree you’ve always wanted.
- Getting a big promotion.
We all have dreams, but feeling that you can make these dreams happen for you means making them happen.
Read this for more inspiration: 100 Empowering Words for Women to Use
Next Step:
- Once you define your dream, make it a goal.
- Write a plan, with a timeline.
- Create tasks that help you work towards that goal.
- Tell yourself daily that you are making your plan happen.
- Be patient and enjoy the process.
- Lastly, make sure you have a positive mindset and push away any thoughts of “I can’t” or “It’s not possible for me”.
How to Love Yourself & Get Rid of Negative Thoughts – Remember this:
Self-love is not only about your actions (self-care), but it’s first and foremost about your THOUGHTS.
Recognize when you are having negative thoughts about yourself.
Take note of these negative thoughts and turn them around into positive thinking.
Example…
- Negative: I hate the way I look in a bathing suit.
- Positive: I love the cool design of my bathing suit and it shows off my long legs and green eyes. I’m happy I get to go on vacation and swim in the ocean with my family.
This may seem like a hard task at first, but keep trying.
You are too important to yourself and others to move through life doubting yourself. Love what you have and where you are right now.
Self-love is not only about your actions, but about your THOUGHTS. Recognize when you are having negative thoughts about yourself. Take note of this and turn them around into positive thinking. #selflove #selfcare #hapiness Click To TweetLots of love,
Yolanda xo
P.S. I’m excited to announce my new self-love guided journal, now available on Amazon…
Love Yourself First Daily Guided Journal
A 30 day self-love journal challenge designed to help practice self-love every day.
Each week you’ll find daily self-love writing prompts, weekly reflection prompts, plus inspirational quotes and colouring pages.
Also, includes self-love affirmations to inspire you plus a ‘write your own’ affirmations page and 75 self-care ideas you can use throughout the 30-day challenge.
Related Self Love Articles:
- 30 Self-Love Journal Prompts to Boost Self-Esteem
- How To Stop Ruminating Thoughts – 5 Tips to Reduce Negative Overthinking
- 111 Beautiful Things To Love About Yourself
- Join the 30-Day Self Love Challenge
For more inspiration and to get the latest post from Put The Kettle On, let’s connect!
This was a great read! I’m at the age where a lot of my friends are getting engaged and I’m single…and I was the one everyone was positive would be married first! It’s been tough but so worth it to reframe my thoughts and view it positively.
Hey Darby – thanks for the message. I know how you feel – I married much later than all my friends, but it was definitely worth the wait and I’m so happy I didn’t rush things when I was younger 🙂 There are so many benefits to being single, so cherish it and enjoy it! xo
I needed to see this today! Thank you!
It’s like you’re reading my mind honestly. I hate how I look in a swimsuit and I have been putting off going swimming again because of it. Especially after putting weight on over lockdown. I agree with all your tips and especially not to compare yourself to others. My habit to do this has caused so many problems. Thanks for sharing, I’m sure you will help a lot of people 🙂
Hi Ruth – thanks for the note! Us women can be so hard on ourselves. I think we can all give ourselves a break and think about how many good things we offer the world xo
So good. We all face these struggles and it’s such a great trick to turn around our thinking to think positively about ourselves!
Thanks Sarah! It can be a knack to get into the habit of doing, but it helps so much when you do it 🙂
Such great reminder and great truth here. Negative thoughts Naturally ppo up, but it’s so vital to keep your thoughts in check and balance them out with a dose of reality.
Thanks so much Jen! You are right, it’s totally normal for negative thoughts to come up (for all of us). We just need to move on from them as much as possible 🙂
This is such a great reminder!! Thank you so much for this. 🙂
So much positivity. Famous TED talk by Shauna Shapiro on the power of mindfulness puts it at her conclusion “say to yourself everyday “i love you “, but if you find that sounds ridiculous, start with “good morning “. A lot of us are so anxious, fearful, guilty, shameful, so many negative emotions mainly because we are so harsh to ourselves, and we put the blame on others and circumstances. Learn to learn ourselves, then love others 🙂 Such a great post!
I’ve just created a positivity blog myself recently, hoping to spread some love. Please check it out and if possible, give feedback and some collaborative posts, it’ll be much appreciated Yolanda!
Hi Karthik – I love those words from Shauna! Congrats on starting a blog – I will definitely check it out. All the best to you 🙂
These are so true points, all of them. I call myself queen of comparison (and not in a good way). I have tried to get a rid of this habit but it is surprisingly difficult.
In this day and age especially when social media gives a whole new level to sugar coated lives…
It feels like everyone’s life is perfect and sometimes it’s difficult to browse through Instagram because of that.
Awesome reminders that we are all human! Anytime I find myself comparing to others I remind myself of the good qualities I have. It’s helpful if you develop a list of good qualities you have beforehand and you can just go back to whenever you find yourself comparing. My mom used to say “there’s a tough chapter in every life’s book”, and when I see “perfect” people or families I remind myself I don’t know what they’re going through or went through underneath that veneer of perfection.
Your mom sounds like such a wise woman Sabrina! Such a true statement – people definitely only show how they want to portray themselves. I love that you have a go-to list of good qualities on hand. I’m going to give that a try too 🙂 xo
Great advice! I always hate the way I look in things,in changing rooms, the lighting is so harsh! It’s so easy to amplify the negatives in our own minds and ignore the positives. Trying to think of some positives can help restore the balance 😊
Thank you so much for this inspiration! I am often times overly critical of myself (the bathing suit piece spoke to me!) and need to put unnecessary negative thoughts out of my mind. Very much enjoyed this post. 🙂
Great article. I really enjoyed reading it! Keep up the good work.
Thanks Pauline!
This is a very nice self-helping article! I’ve been reading a book about confidence as well 🙂
Great to hear and happy you are focusing on yourself and your confidence too. It makes all the difference 🙂
WOW…
I totally needed to hear this!
Thank you so much for sharing ..
I agree the more aware we are of our negative thoughts the easier it is to nip it in the butt and address it.
xxx have a great week
Hi Paige – So glad to hear this was helpful! Absolutely – getting rid of negativity definitely starts with ourselves 🙂
Totally agree with this!! I always get caught up in thinking negative. Thanks for the great tips!! <3
I think we all can at times – unfortunately. Hope these tips are useful for you Lala 🙂
I really love this post. It’s so insane that such small negative thoughts can add up to a huge pile of negativity in our lives. Great tips!
Hi Shruti! So happy you like it. I agree – even if the negative thoughts are small, they certainly build up which isn’t good for any of us. Best to be aware of them and get rid of them 🙂
Such a great article. Thank you for sharing this!
Awesome advice Yolanda! It’s so important to learn how to love yourself. I have shared your article with several friends : )
Hi Samara. Thanks so much for sharing 🙂 I agree – we focus so much on others in our life that we need to get back to ourselves.
I really needed to read this. As much as I love carrying our child, I’m at the highest weight I’ve ever been, my skin is horrendous, and I just feel huge in everything I own. Negative thoughts are so hard to avoid but I need to start being easier on myself
You certainly do need to start being easier on yourself. I know it can be so hard at times, but I truly think that if we are aware of negative thoughts – then we can start to focus on pushing them away. By the way = I think you look gorgeous pregnant and you will have a beautiful miracle upon you soon xo
You totally nailed it. Especially in the blogging/social media/influencer world, we are constantly working and comparing ourselves to others. Then bring in motherhood, and it’s like a competition around every corner. How relateable and what inspirational words to help us realize that we are all special and have so much to offer this world. Thanks for this pick-me-up and inspiration!!
Hi Rachel! I’m so happy this was a pick-me-up for you. I think we all struggle with comparison and when we really think about it – it’s silly as we are all in such different situations and stage in our lives and careers. Hope you have a lovely day!
I so, so, so needed this especially with how life’s been lately. Negative thoughts and self-talk are so tough for me, as I’m a realist! I need to break those habits.
Hey Summer! I’m so happy to hear that it was helpful. Life can definitely give us a lot of bumps in the road at times so I hear you – it can be so difficult. That’s why when we know life is challenging we need to be easier on ourselves. xoxo
Self love! Sounds so easy but yet its an every day battle against who sometimes could be your worst enemy, Your own MiND. It can be such a jerk! But great tips ! Thank you so much 🌻
You nailed it Stephanie! Our minds can be jerks – that’s why we need to kick those negative thoughts to the curb!! xo
You explained it very well! It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others. I need to practice that especially to be a good example for my kids.
Great read. it’s so easy to get stuck in a pattern of negative self talk, you’re right – we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves!
So funny, I was just listening to a podcast on my drive today about this very same topic! It’s amazing how changing our mindset toward positive thinking can dramatically improve our life! I love it!
I loved this!!! We as humans are so hard on ourselves especially we as women. I too hate bathing suit shopping because I don’t look like I used to. I remind myself that as you get older your body changes and that’s okay. It did give me the motivation though to get in better shape not just because I want to look good in a bathing suit again. The comparison game is so real! It’s hard to not compare yourself to others but it does more harm than anything. Great tips!!
Great post! I struggle with comparison (to others and to my former self). It’s so silly, because it doesn’t help me or anyone else. When you mentioned comparing oneself to that blogger making loads of money in their first year blogging… that is so me! I really need to stop doing that so I can focus on my voice and share my story. Thank you for a great post. I’ll be pinning this!
Self love always begins with thoughts that then can be turned into actions. I loved how you were able to turn all those negatives into positives.
100%! I think a big part of turning negative thoughts into positive is being mindful of the thoughts in the first place. It definitely can take some effort but so worth it.
What a great reminder to stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has something they are working on!
Absolutely. I think once we recognize that everyone has these thoughts, we can stop being so hard on ourselves.
What a great post, we have all been there sometime and needed this!
Thanks Susie. Glad it was helpful 🙂
This was wonderful to read and like you were in my head reading my thoughts totally. We have all and most still do continue these thoughts. Good to have and know ways to nip it in the bud hopefully before it starts.
Thanks so much Candy 🙂 Very true – I think we all have these thoughts now and again so as long as we recognize this, we can do something about it.