11 Ways To Stop Being a Perfectionist

It isn’t that bad, right? After all, you’re just making sure everything is perfect. Except that it can be bad. Worse than you could ever imagine. If you’re wondering how to stop being a perfectionist you’re in the right place.

According to recent studies, perfectionism affects your overall mental health and is linked to depression, anxiety, and burnout.

Perfectionism affects your personal and professional relationships and even worse, it could go on all your life without you noticing it!

Then, how can you overcome perfectionism?

Let’s first understand the meaning of perfectionism.

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism, according to the American Psychological Association, is…

“The tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance”.

Also, this demand is usually excessive in relation to what’s needed.

In other words, perfectionism is to set and act on extremely high or unrealistic standards.

1. Self-oriented Perfectionists

Having high standards that guide their professional and personal life. Usually, they are assertive, goal-oriented and successful in what they do.

2. Socially Prescribed Perfectionists

They adopt this behavior from social influence. They feel pressured to deliver perfect results to be accepted.

3. Other-Oriented Perfectionists

They expect people around them to comply with their unrealistic standards. Also, they are very critical of others.

What is the Root Cause of Perfectionism?

Understanding what causes perfectionism will help you ultimately overcome perfectionism. 

Here are some reasons you might be a perfectionist:

Trauma from an abusive childhood – you develop perfectionism behaviors as a way to avoid trouble or to be acknowledged.

Overly critical parents – if your parents or caregivers were overly critical, you feel pressured to deliver better results.

Social or cultural environment – you created unrealistic expectations from social models.

The need to feel in control – you need to control things so they turn out exactly as you want.

A problematic way of thinking – you see things in black and white. Therefore, it is all or nothing for you. Either it is perfect, or it isn’t good.

Low self-esteem and confidence – you don’t feel good enough as you are. Also, you could be trying to fit in within a certain group.

You feel like your achievements define you – since you were overly praised for your achievements, you think they define who you are.

Fear of failure – you do everything to avoid failure and its consequences since both things are judged and punished in society.

Having the wrong perception of others – you could perceive others as perfect models and you try to follow their lead.

Fear of disapproval – you try to avoid being outcasted, reprimanded or rejected. Therefore, you don’t let others see your true colors.

What exactly is a perfectionist? Find out the true meaning and 11 ways to help you stop. #perfectionism #personaldevelopment Share on X

Ask Yourself: “Am I a Perfectionist?”

Perfectionism could be hard to identify, especially, if you are being successful as a result of it.

So, before you know how to stop being a perfectionist, how do you know if indeed you are a perfectionist?

If you answered yes to a few of these questions, you might be a perfectionist.

However, if you are still in doubt, here are some examples of perfectionist thinking.

Examples of Perfectionism (Perfectionist Thinking):

• I don’t need other people’s help. I’m not weak.
• If I don’t do it perfectly, I’m going to lose my job.
• I don’t want them to think I’m a loser.
• I should be doing better already.
• What’s the point? I can’t do it right anyway.
• I can’t afford to make mistakes.
• They will love me when they see what I’ve done.

Are you a perfectionist? Ask yourself these questions... #personaldevelopment Share on X

11 Ways To Stop Being a Perfectionist

Want to know how to overcome perfectionism? Here are some helpful strategies you can use to stop perfectionism in its tracks.

1. Acknowledge and Understand Your Behavior

The first step to stop being a perfectionist is to accept that you are doing something wrong.

You need to come to terms with the fact that perfectionism itself is wrong for you and for the people around you.

However, contrary to what you would usually do, you can’t use this fact to beat yourself up. Instead, use it for your personal growth.

After accepting what’s wrong, continue to find the reason for your behavior.

• Is it because of a traumatic past?
• Is it because you are afraid to lose control?

Sometimes you will be able to find the answer yourself. If not, it is completely okay to look for professional help.

2. Modify Your Expectations

To stop perfectionism, you need to get rid of your demanding expectations. In most cases, these standards are unrealistic and unattainable.

However, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have expectations at all.

In simple words, it means you need to lower your standards by doing a constant reality-check on them. 

If you aren’t sure if you need to lower your standards in certain situations, analyze what it takes to keep them as they are.

• Are your own standards getting in your way?
• What are the benefits and the consequences?

If the cost of keeping your expectations is too high, make the necessary adjustments and lower them.

If you are still in doubt, you can ask someone you trust for feedback. This will help you save yourself a lot of stress, disappointments, and unnecessary work.

3. Fight Your Inner Critic

One thing you have to change if you want to understand how to stop being a perfectionist is the way you talk to yourself.

When you’re a perfectionist, you’re the hardest with yourself and your inner critic is strong.

Although simple thoughts like “I’m so stupid” might seem harmless, they affect your self-esteem and your confidence.

Therefore, you must fight your inner critic with logical or realistic thinking.

For example, instead of saying “look at the mistake I made, I’m a failure” replace it with “everyone makes mistakes” or “this mistake alone doesn’t mean I’ve failed”.

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Tip: To help you fight your inner critic it’s time to focus on practicing self-love. Try my Love Yourself First: Daily Guided Journal. 

The journal includes 30 days of self-love journal writing prompts. Plus self-love affirmations, colouring pages and self-care ideas.

See inside the book now!

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4. Accept the Fact that Noone is Perfect

To overcome perfectionism you need to internalize one basic principle: no one is perfect.

Another thing you need to accept… You aren’t an exception to that rule. 

In fact, Tite Kubo, a Japanese manga artist and character designer said:

“There is no such thing as perfect in this world. That may sound cliché, but it’s the truth. The average person admires perfection and seeks to obtain it. But, what’s the point of achieving perfection? There is none”

As you can see, perfection is not something natural to humans. If you need to see it for yourself, sit down in a shopping mall to observe passers-by. Notice how everyone has faults. 

However, those faults don’t stop people from living a fulfilled life. They don’t have to stop you either.

5. Identify the Cons of Perfectionism

Perfectionism is deceitful behavior and can be seen as a weakness.

Sometimes, it might produce great results in your personal or professional life.

So, how could you feel motivated to stop being a perfectionist if it’s helping you? 

Except that things aren’t probably going as smoothly as you think.

Therefore, you need to actively look for the negative side of perfectionism.

• What is it costing you?
• How do you feel about your standards?
• Could you take time off and relax peacefully?
• How is your mental health?

Confront yourself with these and other questions. Answer them honestly and use your answers as motivation to change.

6.  Reward Yourself

When you are trying to change a habit of yours, you need two things. The first is consistency. The second, an incentive.

If you are trying to stop being a perfectionist, you might get discouraged after bouncing back and forth in your journey. Especially, if you aren’t improving as fast as you would like to.

In this case, the best way to keep you going is to reward yourself every time you hit a milestone.

For example, if you write an email in 5 minutes instead of 25, reward yourself. This will motivate you to continue working with your perfectionism.

7. Welcome Mistakes

As a perfectionist, you would probably do anything to avoid a mistake. After all, a mistake means you’ve failed at something, right?

Wrong.

However, if you’re learning how to stop being a perfectionist, you should start welcoming mistakes.

You can even try to make mistakes on purpose! But, before you panic, understand the logic behind this…

Overcoming your fear of making mistakes is one of the steps to overcome your perfectionism.

The only way to overcome that fear is to expose yourself to it.

It is the same logic behind overcoming other fears.

For example, to fight your fear of public speaking you would need to give conferences and presentations.

Similarly, if you want to stop being a perfectionist, you need to expose yourself to different scenarios in which you can make mistakes and you can be “imperfect”.

Eventually, you will learn that mistakes don’t define you and that they are a part of life.

8. Accept Criticism

One of the biggest challenges you will have while you work to overcome perfectionism is to face criticism.

This is probably one of the biggest triggers for a perfectionist, as it can be perceived as a failure.

Yet, you need to understand that criticism will always be around. Moreover, not all criticism is negative.

Some critics come from a good place.

Therefore, instead of losing motivation, learn to accept critics that are helpful and ignore the ones that aren’t.

As with other triggers, the only way to accept criticism as something normal is to expose yourself to it.

9. Let the Little Details Go

If you struggle with perfectionism, then chances are you give the extra mile in everything you do.

Yet, this extra mile is not always necessary – in most cases, it only gets in the way of your plans.

To stop being a perfectionist, you should make an analysis of what is needed in a certain situation.

Instead of worrying about the little details and spending unnecessary time on them, stick to what’s necessary. 

If you find yourself struggling with a detail, ask yourself: “is it really necessary? Is it relevant?”. If it’s not, move on.

10. Quit Procrastinating

Ironically, perfectionists tend to procrastinate in the name of perfection. However, this happens mainly for two reasons.

One: They get caught up in the planning and organization phase, looking for the perfect way to do something.

Two: They then get overwhelmed thinking about how much effort the upcoming task takes since they’ve set unrealistic standards for it.

This procrastination only contributes to the stress already created by perfectionism in your daily life.

So, in order to stop both being a perfectionist and procrastinator, you need to set your priorities straight.

11. Trust Yourself

As a perfectionist, you might feel insecure about your capabilities. Therefore, you always feel the need to work more than others, until everything is perfect.

So, to overcome perfectionism, you need to trust yourself.

In other words, trust your abilities. You’ve come far because you are indeed hardworking and talented.

Trust those abilities to get you where you need to be, without having to overwork or overdo yourself.

Even if intrusive thoughts come your way, remind yourself you are doing your best and that is enough.

“Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine.”

– Roy T. Bennet

How to Stop Being a Perfectionist: Conclusion

Finally, being a perfectionist could be perceived as a positive trait, but its negative effects could destroy your life.

Learning how to stop being a perfectionist isn’t an easy ride.

It takes effort, changing your expectations, shifting your focus, and modifying your behaviors.

However, remember that your process to stop being a perfectionist isn’t going to be perfect in itself.

Yet, you are doing your best to be better. And guess what? That is enough.

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About Vanessa Ramos:

Vanessa is a blogger and freelance writer for hire. She uses her experience in career growth, mental health and communications to help people live a balanced and happy life. When she’s not writing, she’s traveling the world. Sometimes, she is doing both at the same time.  You can check out her writing services here.

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How to Stop Being a Perfectionist: Resources

• 30 Self Love Journal Prompts to Boost Self Esteem
• How to Love Yourself & Get Rid of Negative Thoughts
• 50 Powerful Growth Mindset Quotes
• Love Yourself First Daily Guided Journal