Being in a relationship can be hard, especially in today’s world where so many of us are running on empty.
Even though we are running from work to home, to making dinner, to kids basketball practice, etc, etc – we NEED to be mindful in our relationship every single day… in order to keep the spark alive. If you think you don’t have time for this, it’s even more important for you to focus on.
By no means am I a marriage counsellor, but I share with you the way I think about keeping love strong, even through tough times.
These are the THREE Relationship Goals I have for you, to Keep that Spark Alive.
1. Show Your Love
Saying I love you is important, but think about how you can mindfully show your partner that you love them. This will look different for everyone. FEELING that someone loves you can speak volumes – much louder than words.
If you’re a touchy-feely person (like myself) you may show your love through hugs, kisses and hand holding. Also, think about your spouse. How do you think they feel most loved? It could be as simple as asking them about their day and REALLY listening. It could be letting them watch a TV show that you’re just not that into, or perhaps it’s making them a beautiful dinner.
Grand gestures in a relationship are always fun and special, BUT it’s the little, everyday things you do that keep a relationship strong.
Grand gestures in a relationship are always fun and special, BUT it’s the little, everyday things you do that keep a relationship strong. #relationships #RelationshipGoals #RelationshipAdvice Click To TweetRELATED: How to Have a Mindful Relationship – 3 Ways to Get Started
2. Reminisce About Happy Times
I’m a bit of a nostalgic person and at times I think we all can be. Bring this to your relationship.
Share your happy memories and funny stories from when you first met. Talk about what you thought about your partner when you started dating, on your wedding day or at a dinner party a few months ago.
Sharing happy memories can show your other half how important they are in your life and it also feels good for you.
You can reminisce about your relationship as a way of practising gratitude. Here are some great examples to share with your other half:
- Think about the first time you told one another ‘I love you’.
- Tell your spouse how proud of them you were when they did (enter details here).
- Thank them for something kind they did for you recently… when they stood up for you, or when they helped you through a tough time.
- Share how you felt on your first date.
The way you share positive experiences with your spouse is deeply personal to you, so make a point of talking about the happy, funny or memorable times you’ve had in your relationship together.
3. Look for the Signs of Love in Your Relationship
You know your partner. Truly know them. Saying I love you is important, but understanding HOW your spouse shows their love to you is even more important.
This falls under the category of not taking one another for granted.
A little story… I went through a period of some deep pain and grief for a prolonged time. I just wasn’t myself and I was most likely unbearable to live with. My husband, stuck by me. No matter what, no matter my mood, he consistently showed me love. He was my shoulder to cry on and simply smiled when I was acting completely crazy! I look back and realize how hard this was for him too, but he did his best to stay strong for the two of us.
I think back to those times and am so GRATEFUL for his love through thick and thin. His patience with being there for me through trying times. This was all simply done for love.
So LOOK for their love.
Some may show love by making you dinner, being a good listener, holding your hand, sharing stories, working on projects for the house. Everyone is different and shows their love in a variety of ways.
Keep this in mind:
- What’s important is that your spouse IS showing you love.
- Understand the WAY they show their love and dedication. Let them know how much you appreciate their effort.
- If you still need your spouse to show you love in different ways, don’t discount how they are currently loving you, but communicate in a kind way what else you need.
Sometimes in a relationship, we only think about how we want to feel loved, but also look at the personality and characteristics of your other half and you could very well see their love in a way you didn’t consider.
Sometimes in a #relationship, we only think about how we want to feel loved, but also look at the personality and characteristics of your other half and you could very well see their love in a way you didn’t consider.… Click To Tweet
I think we all know that relationships aren’t always sunshine and roses. Continual work and effort need to be put in by both parties. Understanding simple ways to keep the spark alive in your relationship is so important and finding small ways to communicate to your other half that you care goes a long way towards making your spouse feel valued.
I’d love to know from you… how do you keep the spark alive in your relationship?
Share in the comments below 🙂
RELATED: Learn How Entertaining Enhances Your Life (and Your Relationship).
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Find out the 3 Things to Do in Your #Relationship, that Keeps the Spark Alive. #relationships #RelationshipGoals #RelationshipAdvice Click To Tweet
I agree that the small gestures really do add up! I make my husband’s lunch each day when I make the kids’ lunches. It shows him I love him and I make sure he’s eating a healthy lunch. 🙂
I love the point to look for their love! I actually just wrote about that in our relationship with God. How awesome is it to apply it to my marriage! Glad I stopped by! 🙂
I think sometimes we neglect to look at the little things our significant others do. I know sometimes I tend to focus on one thing that upsets me rather than appreciate all the little things.
I needed this more than you know… thank you for sharing
Some great points! It’s important to remember that everyone shows love differently so you need to recognize when your partner is showing you love. This is important to take note of especially if you each show and feel love in different ways. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
These are great tips! Keeping the spark alive takes dedicated work, but it’s so worth it. My husband and I, make sure to find a minimum of a half hour to chat with each other no matter what’s going on in our lives! It’s important to always remain engaged with each other. We also take pleasure in doing small things like making a favorite dinner or picking up a fav bottle of wine to enjoy together.
This is so sweet! Thank you for suggesting practical and impactful ways to keep the spark alive in relationships. I will have to apply some of these!
I love this! My 12th wedding anniversary is this month, I think we will take some time to reflect just like you suggest!
My husband and I have been together since we were 19 so reminiscing about happy times is always so fun because we remember things from when we were so young.
Since my husband and I had a bay a month ago there hasn’t been much time for “us” so I will need to implement these!
I love the third tip you shared! I need to work on that one in my marriage.
We keep the spark alive by going on a date night at least every other week where we do not bring our phones and don’t talk about the kids…just us, and we usually end up reminiscing as well!
I really enjoyed reading this post, thanks for sharing!
I love the tip about reminiscing, it always makes us smile fondly at each other. I just never thought about it as a way to keep the romance alive!
I love this. Simple and to the point. You really do need to show your love to spark it up!
Love this. The part about the little things versus grand gestures is so my husband. He doesn’t do big gifts on anniversaries or other milestones but he does random thoughtful things and I appreciate that even more.
Great advice! It’s so important to know how they are loved by how they love you. Thanks for the awesome post!
Yes, thats true. Showing love amplifies it. Beautiful.
This was such a nice read. I haven’t thought about reminiscing as a means to showing love. But, my partner does constantly and we usually laugh a lot over those first dates and first months.
I’m nostalgic too and I love reminiscing about happy times with my husband. It really does remind you of your connect to each other and your shared past.
Being present – when my husband comes home from work, I put away whatever I’m doing and focus on what he’s saying, ask questions…I pay interest in how he’s doing and how his day was and what he’s doing ! Paying attention is important in keeping that connection!
Seppy | http://www.elleisforlove.com
We also just had a baby a couple months ago so sometimes its hard to remember to show each other love and compassion when we get all caught up in everything going on. I do love the reminess one though too! I keep a journal of all the good things so when times get tough i can be easily reminded why I love my turd head so much
Thanks for sharing this! I guess this applies even to me, having my boyfriend. Hope to read more from you!
Recincile and renew. 💑 counseling and just communicating more frequently less controlling one another help my mmarriage 💗
I completely agree with all of this, and this article was a great reminder to myself of how to love and look for love in my partner! Thank you.
Hi Holly! Thanks. Glad to hear it’s a positive reminder for you 🙂
I love these tips! My husband and I just bought a house and I think that process has caused us to fall behind on our date nights…but that’s usually how we try to keep our spark! I also think SHOWING love is just as important as saying it–that’s the part that gets tricky! 😛
Congrats on the new home! Date nights are something we need to do more of. I couldn’t agree more – I showing love is love!
Looking for the Love is a great tip and one I practice often. We can get so bogged down with day to day that we forget about all the little acts of love that sometimes go unrecognized.
Totally agree. If we look for the love I think we can honestly find it all around us 🙂
I am getting married in 10 days so right now I feel like we are very much in the “honeymoon” phase, but I know it will run out and I think it is important to actively try to keep the spark going!
Congratulations! I hope you have a beautiful day!!
So much truth in this! I loved number three because sometimes we don’t always see their love and it is so important to look for it! Because as you said, you might see it in a way you didn’t consider before! Thank you for these great reminders!
Love this! So many ways to show your affection and usually when you give it comes back to you. 🙂 For newer couples, I wrote a post about how to combine styles when you take the leap and move in with your partner.
I’ve been with my husband for 12 years now and I strongly agree with all three ways!
LOVE this post! Such amazing tips! I can’t wait to try them in my relationship with my husband. Thanks for sharing!
What a lovely post! I agree with all of the tips listed. Under the first one, it’s also important to consider your partner’s love language. My husband and I have very different love languages so I always keep in mind that it’s better to treat him how *he* would like to be treated, not how *I* would like to be treated. It’s an empathetic twist on the golden rule. 🙂
Hi Nathalia – Oh I couldn’t agree more. So important to see the love your partner gives but just as important to give love to your partner they way they appreciate it more. True give and take 🙂
Great point about ‘looking for their love’. It’s easy to feel lonely or like you’re unloved at times because we overlook the simple ways people show they care.
I couldn’t agree more Brittany. I always say to appreciate the little things in life and the small gestures in a relationship can mean so much 🙂
i really love this post, and your blog! it’s definitely important to show love physically besides saying i love you. i’m in my early 20s and in my first serious relationship. i’ve learned so much about myself in the span of it and how selfish i can be. i definitely made it a goal this year to think less about myself + making everything about me. i started to show my partner how much i appreciate him by paying attention to his needs. i’ve already seen a huge improvement from doing this and feel like our relationship is getting stronger. great advice to share!
Hi Ashram! I am so happy you found this post helpful. Is there’s one thing I can say about relationships is that they take work and a lot of mindfulness 🙂 Really happy to hear that things are going well for you.
Awww this is a great post! What a wonderful reminder to give time and attention to the people that are so important to us! I recently bought a book called “You Me Us” and it’s got a bunch of fun exercises for romantic couples…we try to do one each day 🙂
Hey Jodi! Thanks SO much!! I just looked up that book on Amazon. It’s so cute! What a good idea.