G and I recently celebrated 1 year of marriage (yay!) and next year we’ll be together for 10 years.
Yes, we are still in the infancy of our marriage and a little longer into our relationship and I know through the years we’ll learn so much more about one another. One thing I know for sure is that wherever you are in your relationship, it’s important to be on the same page and ensure your partner is happy.
If you agree, join us in our goal to have a more mindful relationship.
We are all moving so fast these days that it’s important to slow down and appreciate what’s most important in our lives. This means putting in the work to keep our relationships strong.
This is where being mindful of one another comes in.
Having a mindful relationship consists of two areas:
1. Being mindful of how you feel on a day to day basis
2. Noticing your partners feelings and actions
Let’s start with how you are feeling…
Ask yourself these questions about your relationship:
- Do you feel you have your partners support when it comes to what you believe in, as well as your plans and dreams?
- Do you feel understood?
- What’s your daily mood like?
- Is there anything you silently wish for when it comes to your relationship?
Keep a mental (or physical) note of the above. This is especially important for step #3 below.
Understanding how you are feeling is obviously easier than knowing how your other half is feeling. It’s also important for the two of you to truly know how your relationship is doing.
There are a few ways you can do this, which will help you to have that mindful relationship you’re seeking.
3 Ways to create and maintain a mindful relationship:
1. The Daily Connect
When you bring in busy careers, kids, pets, parents, etc, into your relationship it’s important to make sure you connect with one another daily. Even if you only have 10 or 15 minutes, find this time to truly connect with your spouse. What could this look like?
- Go on an after dinner walk around the block
- Have early morning coffee together
- Find some alone time when everyone else in the house has gone to sleep
**no electronics allowed during this time**
On top of this, are you keeping up with the small gestures like these?
- Kiss hello and goodbye
- Send one another cute (or sexy!) texts
- Find time for hugs and cuddles
- Hold hands
2. The Monthly Date Night
If you don’t have kids you may already have official monthly (or weekly) date nights. Make the most of this time together. Mix things up and take turns organizing the date. You plan the date one weekend and your partner plans the next time.
Make sure to do more than dinner and movie. Go for those walks along the beach, take a class together, make a mess cooking in the kitchen with some great tunes, go to a museum or a concert – you get my point. Expand your dating game!
Now… for those of you with kids, organizing the monthly date night could actually seem like a challenge. So, I task you with this:
- Book your date nights for the next 3 months. Book your sitter and get it in the calendar. (You are NOT allowed to cancel or postpone!)
- When date night is getting close decide what you’ll do together and book it at least a week out – get those movie tickets and book that dinner reservation etc.
- Dress up! I know as parents it seems tempting to keep that baseball hat on and wear those yoga pants – but try and give yourself some TLC. Do your hair and wear something you feel great in. You and your other half will enjoy your confidence 🙂
- On your date, make sure to connect with your other half, enjoy each other, have a laugh – and DON’T talk about stressful things like bills. Dates are not about having financial conversations!
3. The Quarterly Check-in
This step is more official. If any of you work in the corporate world, think of this process as a quarterly townhall or ‘all-hands’ meeting, but for your relationship! For you A-Types out there, I know you’ll like this – but for others, hear me out.
What’s the point of a quarterly check-in?
This is the time to talk about the big stuff in your relationship, communicate how you are feeling overall and make concrete plans to work on certain areas. Here are the topics I’m recommending:
Finances – How to pay off debt, retirement savings, plans to move or buy a house, etc
Family Goals – Thinking of having kids (or more kids), want to plan a family vacation, wish you could get your family to eat healthier?
Personal Goals – Want to change careers, going back to school, or need your other half to support you in your personal goals, etc.
Feelings – Discuss what’s keeping you up at night, understand how each of you feels in your relationship? Is anything lacking? Do you need more focus in certain areas which will impact your happiness?
Issues that need resolving – Talk about challenges you’ve had or where you’ve felt misunderstood. Let it be known that you both must find a way to resolve the problem.
Make a plan – For each of the above areas you discussed, make sure you have an action plan with actual to-do items that you’ll both be responsible for.
End your check-in session on a high note. Reminisce about old times, connect on what you’re happy about lately and chat about the dreams you have together.
Make sure to take notes so you can review for your next check-in in 3 months time. This is especially important for the financial section, but can also be used for all areas discussed. This will help you keep track of what you both committed to. It’s a great way to see how far you’ve come and to help you realign when you refer back to your notes.
What do you think?
Is this something you could maintain in your relationship?
Let me know in the comments section below…
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