Living with infertility means you’ve put your life on hold and have most likely done everything in your power to work against the odds. Doing this impacts so many areas of life… no vacations, no new jobs, no plans at all and that doesn’t matter because after years of trying there is no money!
I waited to buy a car. I waited to leave my job. I waited to get married. ‘Trying’ to conceive prevented us from going away for weekends, as my body would dictate when I needed to return to the fertility clinic – usually at the most inconvenient times.
After trying for so long I’ve been doing everything in my power to move on. Deciding to stop fertility treatments wasn’t really a choice. The long-term physical and emotional pain that took hold of our lives told us it was time to stop, not to mention, the money we’d saved for treatments was well and truly gone.
Of course, we still hope every month that a miracle will happen, but we can’t let it rule our lives. It took me a LONG time to feel this way and not lose it when every month resulted in no pregnancy.Living with infertility...We hope every month that a miracle will happen, but we can’t let it rule our lives. Click To Tweet
So, today I will share the tactics I am using to maintain a sense of sanity and learn to look for the happiness in my day.
Side Note. I have literally looked for articles for ages on how to live with infertility or how to cope with infertility. Apparently, people do not write about this. At least, I can’t find it. I do know that if I ‘just relax’, ‘stop trying’, eat avocados and the core of a pineapple, plus stand on my head for 30 minutes a day that I will apparently fall pregnant right away. Yep! I’ll get right on that.
With that said, here are my feelings and the strategies I’ve been working on to move forward in life and live with infertility.
How to Live with Infertility. 6 Tips for Healing:
1. Take the time to heal.
Whether you’ve decided to stop ‘trying’, which is most likely one of the hardest decisions you’ve had to make or whether you just need to refocus your energy for a while, you know you must take the time to heal… for your heart, your health and your mind. Begin to focus on this process, even if it’s hard to accept. Know, that this first step can take time.
2. Distance yourself.
Part of your healing could mean removing yourself from situations that get you down. Know this: It’s okay to miss a baby shower. It’s okay to casually walk away from conversations when people start sharing pregnancy stories. And it’s okay to let people know that you are removing yourself because you can’t handle the pain at the moment and you need to find your path to recovery.
I missed a close friends baby shower, but I let her know why. Since she is such a good friend she understood. I felt bad for not being there but I knew there was no way I could handle it. Her baby shower literally fell at the same time I found out my 3rd and final IVF failed. What I did do was celebrate with her in my own way, in a way that worked for me.
3. Look for the Light.
Being sad is exhausting. Find time to focus on something different, but familiar. No, this will not take your pain away completely, but it will remind you who you were before you started trying to conceive. This is a great time to get back to that hobby you always loved, and a perfect time to enjoy it. Focus on boosting your serotonin levels. It may seem like a little thing, but it’s key to looking after you.
4. Expect rollercoasters.
I can go through a couple months of feeling like I am moving on from the pain of infertility, like I might just get past this. However, life is like a rollercoaster and just when you think you’re on a high, you come crashing down. When this happens, make sure to acknowledge your pain and share your feelings with your nearest and dearest. That’s what true friends are for, right?
5. Connect with others like you.
This is a huge step into not feeling so alone. Make sure to seek support, whether it’s connecting with others in Facebook groups or finding local groups through your doctor’s office or fertility clinic. Put yourself out there and talk when you do find people in a similar situation. Knowing you are not alone is a huge step in the healing process.
6. Don’t lose hope.
As crazy as it sounds, even though I am now 42 and after ‘trying’ for almost 5 years, I still have hope. Hope a miracle will happen, hope that I will make a huge impact on someone’s life like my parents have had on mine. Hope that the sadness will completely go away one day.
I’ll leave you with this and I’m going to say this out loud.
Not being able to have your own child is UNFAIR!
…But you know what, through this healing process all I can ever think is that I still want everything life has to offer – all the good stuff. If that means some things aren’t possible for me, but I can be blessed with other wonderful gifts, then I just have to appreciate what I do have.
Life is so short, and no one wants to grow old and bitter with sadness! So I share. I share with all of you and in hopes that my experience coping with infertility helps you if you’re in a similar situation or it helps you reach out to a friend who might be going through a hard time.
If you know someone dealing with infertility, please share this with them.
If you are living with infertility, my heart goes out to you – and I am always here to chat. Feel free to reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org xo
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