Being a good stepmom also means being involved with your children’s bio-mom… through the good, the bad and the ugly.
Us stepmom’s are involved because we love our step children. We are involved because we love our spouses. We are involved because we choose to be.
In an ideal world I would have the kind of relationship with my kids bio-mom where I could invite her in for a cup of tea and we’d chat about life, the kids and ourselves. This is not the case today, but who knows about the future!
For all the bio-moms out there that have a stepmom in their life, here’s what we’d like you to understand about us.
1. WE LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.
Yes, we love them. We want to see joy in their eyes. We love when they laugh and are torn apart when they cry. We appreciate how blessed we are to have them in our lives.
2. WE AREN’T TRYING TO REPLACE YOU.
We are here to enhance our step children’s lives and provide them love, but our goal is not to replace you. There is a difference between being their mom and their stepmom. We call you mom around the kids. We make sure they haven’t forgotten about you on your birthday or mothers day and we want them to be respectful to you.
3. WE WANT TO GET ALONG WITH YOU.
This is a big one. We really wish there wasn’t any drama. The more we can all get along the happier and healthier the children will be – period. This would be life changing and just imagine the benefit it could have on the kids.
4. WE WOULD MOVE MOUNTAINS FOR YOUR CHILDREN.
I would literally do ANYTHING for my step children. Love them, protect them, provide for them, fight for them… anything. Please do not be threatened by this though. Understand that our motivation is to be a great bonus mom and support them every step of the way… alongside you.
5. WE WANT TO ENHANCE THEIR LIVES.
…and have them grow up to be great people. I will do homework with them. I will share my favourite music with them (as well as my ridiculous dance moves), but most importantly teach them strong values that will stay with them into adulthood. Stepmom’s feel this way because we choose to love our step kids, through the good and the bad.
6. WE LOVE YOUR EX.
I understand things didn’t work out between you, but please don’t put my spouse down in front of me – or even worse in front of the kids. Relationships end, but remember your ex is doing their best to parent, just as you are.
7. WE AGREE, DIVORCE SUCKS!
I would never wish for any child to experience the pain, confusion and loss that divorce brings. This experience can’t be taken away from the child, so what we can do is ensure the child is given the love and the chance to thrive, regardless of divorce. This means no game playing, no drama and always thinking of your child first.
8. BEING A STEPMOM IS HARD
When I was a little girl I didn’t dream of raising another woman’s children, while struggling to conceive myself. It’s difficult to be a stepmom when you put in so much hard work, love and effort but still feel under appreciated the majority of the time.
I will say though – no matter how hard it is, being a stepmom is 100% worth it.
Bio mom’s: I hope you appreciate all that we do for your children.
To all the biological moms out there...stepmom’s are just regular people, doing our best to navigate parenthood, like you.
NOTE: I am aware the above scenario does not refer to all stepmom’s and all bio-mom’s. The above comments are based on my experience as a stepmom who has my step children in my lives on a daily basis. It’s also the experiences of fellow stepmom’s I’ve spoken with.
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